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Home » Music

Starving Artists No More…

Submitted by on May 20, 2015 – 4:22 amNo Comment


A recent change in the law will allow musicians to exchange beer, buffet food and ‘exposure’ for gas, rent, and guitar strings. Under the new legislation, it will be possible to pay for studio time or even a mortgage, by mentioning the ‘really big gig’ you performed at last week for no money, especially if there were celebs at it.

A bass player from Los Angeles said:

“This is really good news for bands and musicians. I’m looking forward to buying a new bass with the sausage rolls and eight pints of Strongbow, I got for doing a wedding last week. At last, the government is doing something to support working musicians,”

Under old laws, it was impossible to pay for any kind of goods or service with the bullshit idea that you are ‘getting your name out there’ by entertaining a bored crowd that have never heard of you, trying their hardest to get legless and cop off with each other at a uniquely organized event. But this new legislation paves the way for people who don’t want to pay for bands or their music to hire bands, and musicians and be able to pay their mortgages with plastic glasses full of warm ale and obtusely vague promises of future paid work.

“I was offered an unpaid gig at a really, really, really posh wedding, on the promise that there were going to be a lot of very influential people among the guests that might help my career. I’m looking forward to name-dropping some B-C list celebs then using that to get a third off my mortgage payments this month.”

A professional flute player from New Jersey.

“I’ve been a professional musician for fifteen years, and I normally feel like telling people to fuck off when they ask me to do stuff like that. But now I can finally afford to live on the total twaddle of some tight fisted bugger that wants me to do them a favour and doesn’t want to pay me, in New York.”

God Bless Republicans. Now if only there was a musician’s benevolent fund. Wait, there is? Sadly, it’s only available to Canadians.

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